


Song of the Nightingale

by Sylthfarn



Series: Despairing Vacation [2]
Category: AI: The Somnium Files (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, DV verse, Gen, Original Character(s), Various untagged canon characters, this takes place in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28108269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylthfarn/pseuds/Sylthfarn
Summary: An outside look at the Future Foundation Killing Game from the perspective of one Shizue Kuranushi. She thinks about her relationship with Date and Pewter, worries about their safety, and struggles with the newfound role of motherhood.
Series: Despairing Vacation [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2059197
Kudos: 4





	1. I Won't Give Up Anything More

**Author's Note:**

> i left the cipher for her name in the first chapter just bc i think it'd be fun to see if anyone can solve it :) yes, at first boss used a code for her name and then for a while she went by the nickname nightingale

She had known from the moment she let Pewter and Date go that they would be putting themselves in incredible danger. They were her best friends in the entire world–had stuck with her despite the precarious situation they found themselves in. Hope and Despair–the first killing game–it had been enough to spur them into action. But she couldn't leave with them...it felt almost as bad as four years ago.

Pewter had been there for her when they lost Hayato. Even if his comforting skills weren't the best, he'd gotten her through it. It wasn't easy losing your best friend. Because now all she had were fleeting memories she kept close to her heart. She was the only one who would remember...and even then, sometimes they felt just a bit too painful. Pewter had known Hayato for a long time too. 

They had both lost someone back then… And it wasn't fair to consider Date, the newest addition to their trio, a replacement. It wasn't his fault he didn't remember a friend she had drifted away from. But maybe drifting wasn't the right word. She let him go, just like she let Date and Pewter go. 

Now, she was alone. And had to watch over Date's adopted kid, Mizuki. She didn't know the first fucking thing about kids. But once the second killing game started, she'd received a frantic phone call from Aiba, saying she couldn't get in contact with Date and she needed someone to watch Mizuki because she was a hamster sized AI, and this was a 10 year old human child, and–

Well...she couldn't really say no to that.

She knew where Date lived, had helped him get his apartment after the incident 4 years ago. She thinks she might still have a spare key somewhere, but she's thankful Aiba and Mizuki are home to save her the hassle.

"Who are you?" Mizuki asks as soon as the door opens, which throws her for a loop. Hadn't Aiba told her?

"Uh, me? Well Date usually calls me–"

"I don't care what Date calls you," Mizuki says, crossing her arms. "What's your name?"

She hesitates for a brief moment before treating Mizuki to a smile. 

"I'm 17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6, it's nice to meet you." 

"17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6…" Mizuki repeats slowly, trying out the name. She looks 17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6 up and down for a brief moment before saying, "I don't think it suits you."

Which stings just a bit. 

"You could call me–" 

"No," Mizuki says. "I'll call you by your name. If that's fine with you." 

"Yeah," she says. No one has called her that name in such a long time. Most people referred to her by a nickname, and even Hayato had done it. Jokingly at first, but then...it had stuck. Sometimes, she misses the woman who was known only by that name. "It's fine. Don't worry."

17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6 has never thought about having kids. Well, maybe when she was younger it had crossed her mind briefly. That and marriage and having a normal, happy family. Now, the idea feels so laughable. Hayato had been her only family for so long. And yet… 

Pushing aside her memories of better days, she has to focus on the 10 year old in the passenger seat. Mizuki is hugging her backpack tightly (full of clothing, though 17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6 had told her they could always come back later for more), looking determinedly at the floor rather than at her new temporary guardian or Aiba (who's sitting on Mizuki's shoulder).

"Why are you looking after me?" Mizuki asks suddenly. "Why not Daddy?"

That...makes 17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6 pause, gripping the steering wheel tighter for just a moment. She'd heard about Renju from Date. The man had no interest in being a parent to his only child, and Date hadn't trusted him to even look after Mizuki, opting to either take her to the Future Foundation with him or leave Aiba with her. But she can't just admit that… She might not know anything about kids, but she has enough tact not to tell the truth.

"Because of Aiba," she finally settles on. "I'm taking care of both of you, since Pewter's away. And Renju doesn't know about her.  _ And  _ I don't know what Date told you when he introduced you two, but Aiba is still a classified government secret."

Mizuki doesn't say anything in return, which she thinks might be a good sign. At least the kid doesn't think her dad hates her, right? 17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6 glances at Mizuki before gesturing to the radio.

"Why don't you pick something you like?" she asks. 

"Okay," Mizuki agrees quietly, leaning forward and messing with the radio until it hits a pop station. 

"Good choice," 17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6 says, giving her a smile, and Mizuki very hesitantly returns it.

They spend the rest of the drive in near silence, filled only with the background noise of current pop music. 

The hardest part of suddenly taking care of a kid is apparently the  _ questions.  _

"When will Date be home?" "What's your job like?" "Can I play Shovelforge on your computer?" "Where's Date?" "Why isn't Date home yet?" "Have you talked to Date?"

Date, Date,  _ Date _ , it's all Mizuki's been asking about recently. 17-11-15-4-25-2-26-23-15-4-13-6 thinks she might be hitting her limit...which is why she asks Aiba for help  _ finally _ on encrypting her name. After Hitomi Sagan, she can't take any chances. Aiba ciphers it, puts it through another cipher, then ciphers that and ciphers it again. Four times is enough, right? Maybe? She hopes. 

_ Did I get it working? Is this the correct chat?  _

She lets out a sigh of relief at the people who greet her. Some of them are coworkers of Date and Pewter… she knew some names but not many.

One asks to give her a nickname: Nightingale. 

_ Nightingale _ , she thinks. It's pretty. Certainly nicer than referring to herself by a number. A secret identity, and a nickname that won't lead to her real name so quickly. And a nightingale is a type of bird…

_ Just like Hayato _ . Though apparently there's someone else with the name in the chat. He makes her laugh with how oblivious he is with his own crush. It's strange how much he reminds her of her  _ own _ Hayato, it makes her briefly entertain the idea that maybe he's–

No. 

Her Hayato is gone.

And he's never coming back.

It's best to stop these foolish thoughts before they make her do something equally stupid. She can't let anyone know her identity. She has to protect Mizuki.  _ She has to get Date and Pewter back _ . 

She can't lose everything again…

"Mizuki, listen, I'll be back as soon as I can," Nightingale promises. "Please, please,  _ please _ behave for these–"

"Weirdos," Mizuki interrupts. "Date works with a bunch of weirdos."

Right. Nightingale had forgotten Mizuki probably already met some of them with how often Date took her to work with him. She's not sure if that's a good or bad thing, ultimately.

"Okay, sure, they're probably weird because Date's weird and attracts weird people to him," Nightingale says with a smile. Seriously, Hayato said his childhood friend  and crush shoved  _ balloons  _ down his pants. "But I'll be back within a few hours, okay? Can you behave for that long?"

Mizuki still looks doubtful, but she nods. Nightingale lets out a small sigh of relief. She has a message she needs to get to Date at all possible costs, because she's seen the way he's acting. He's being reckless, not caring about himself at all. She's watched him spiral–snapping at someone and nearly sharing his former talent and nearly breaking his code multiple times because he just  _ doesn't care _ . 

_ Well too fucking bad _ , Nightingale thinks to herself, gently placing Aiba into her pocket for safekeeping until they get there.  _ Even if he doesn't care about himself, there are people both inside and outside that care about him.  _

She has to let him and Pewter know. They  _ have _ to survive. Because they're all she has left. 


	2. On My Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizue (still going by the nickname of Nightingale) finds herself morbidly curious about the workings of the killing game. As Akira Kurusu's body is discovered, and Octavo as his murderer, she watches first-hand how the family Date made for himself within the Foundation is already starting to crumble. And with his family goes his will to keep moving.

It's a horrible pastime, but Nightingale has found herself watching the killing game in any moment she can spare. Of course, she has other things to take care of–a job that relies heavily on her to keep things running smoothly. A 10-year-old that she has promised herself (and Date) that she'll never let watch the killing game. And...she has a message she desperately needs to get to both Pewter and Date. Still, despite her planning a trip to the outside of the building, she watches the happenings inside with horror and fascination. She has seen some truly depraved things in her day–the Cyclops Serial Killer amongst them. But this? This was a whole new level.

Nightingale hated it. But she couldn't look away. 

She watches as everyone is sent into a panic over the knowledge that  _ a murder has been committed _ . The rush to find the body–and killer. No one knows who the victim is yet, and for a long moment, Nightingale feels cold dread settle into her stomach and grip her heart. Pewter is worried because he doesn't know where Date is. Where  _ is _ Date? He's not...he's not  _ dead _ , is he? She can't let that happen. She can't lose one of her boys, she can't, she  _ can't,  _ she  **_can't._ **

But Date, in true Date fashion, has been somewhere else. Minding his own business. He seems too out of it to participate in the body investigation. She sees him attempt to be polite, but instead snap at someone else. When was the last time he slept? Was it when he'd rested his head on Pewter's lap? Was he taking his medication? Had he been sharing  _ any  _ of his feelings, or was he keeping them inside, just like she'd always told him not to? She had already lost Hayato due to him keeping his feelings so quiet and hidden; his pain meant for him to bear alone. And that was more than enough. Date needed her. Needed  _ Pewter _ … Needed someone to listen and tell him it was going to be okay. Even if it wasn't. 

Date seems... understandably upset during and after the investigation. But he's strangely withdrawn. She watches as he refuses to meet the eyes of anyone around him. She hears him apologize for... _ existing _ . This isn't what he deserves. And it's breaking Nightingale's heart. 

The trial commences shortly thereafter, and Nightingale watches as it destroys Date all over again to realize someone he cares about is going to die. Despite the fights, the occasional banter, Date cared about Octavo. He cared about  _ everyone _ ...almost. But she sees him give Octavo a tight hug, and part of her is relieved he's showing that much affection. But perhaps it's just because he knows Octavo is about to die, and this could very well be the last hug he gets. 

She closes her eyes during the execution. Nothing can prepare her for just how cruel these methods of death are. She doesn't open her eyes again until she hears the sound of crying. It's soft, barely audible over the multiple conversations happening at once in the courtroom. But she knows it's Date. No matter how many years pass, with memories or without, he'll always be her Kaname Date. Nightingale reaches out to touch the screen, as if it will give her message of comfort to Date. But it doesn't. She watches Grimnir comfort him in her stead, eventually picking up Date and carrying him out of the courtroom.

She needs to take action. She stands, grabbing her keys and the notes she intends on delivering to Pewter and Date. It scares her, how lost Date has become. And she pauses just for a moment as she thinks about his interactions with Octavo during the trial.

_ The ones we loved and had to leave behind...they steal your innocence. Falling fast but...nobody cares. _

Date is falling fast...but... She has to let him know. And she has to let Pewter know too.

"I'm on my way," she whispers out loud to herself, and pulls out her phone to send a quick text to her new acquaintance, Bacon.

She'll deliver her messages to the Future Foundation.

To Kaname Date:

_ I love you. You're not alone. _

To Futa Amanoma:

01110000 00100000 01100001 01101100 00100000 01110011 01100011 00100000 01110100 01101001 00100000 01110010 01101000 00100000 01100011 01110011 00100000 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100111 01100001 00100000 01110000 00100000 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100111 01100001 00100000 01110100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01100011 00100000 01110100 01100011 00100000 01110000 00100000 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01110010 00100000 01110100 01100101 00100000 01101101 01101110

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idr how much i fucking encoded that last message. possibly a lot possibly not much. either way iirc it does say smth like "do not let him remember"


	3. You Were Made to Make It Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finally revealing her identity to the members of the spectating chatroom, Shizue reflects on her history with both Date and Pewter. She witnesses the investigation of a brutal sextuple murder (quintuple, if you don't count the AI), and the trial that leads to Date trying to take the blame for Pewter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for mentions of child abuse & neglect

"Alright,  _ old lady. _ "

"FUCK YOU I AM NOT THAT OLD!" 

"How old did you say you were again?"

" _ My birthday is only a few months before yours, you absolute—" _

She's the one who landed the first punch, but they both get in trouble for the fight that broke out in the hallway. It was just the two of them, though no one stopped them for a while, preferring to either continue on their way or stare and watch.

By the time the two of them are hauled down to the "office" (what was this, high school?) she notices he's sporting a bruised cheek and she thinks she's probably not much better off.

"Kuranushi, I expected better of you," she's told, receiving a glare that does absolutely nothing to humble her. She endures the lecture about fighting and blah blah blah—her companion seems to have similarly zoned out. 

By the time they're let go, she's feeling better about her relationship with her impromptu spar buddy, and she treats him to a smile.

"Honestly? You have a nice punch. I'm Shizue...Shizue Kuranushi. Nice to meet you," she says. 

"Heh. You're not bad yourself...for an old lady." His tone is teasing, but it's lighter now, less mean-spirited, and her smile doesn't falter. "I'm Hayato Yagyu."

"Hayato..." she says, trying the name on her tongue. She looks him up and down. "Don't think it suits you. Not for such a  _ baby. _ "

" _ HEY!" _

Thinking back on it, she thinks that's the first day she met someone she could ever call a friend. He was her  _ best  _ friend. She wouldn't lose him. Unlike all the others she had lost over the years…

* * *

"Why did you join the academy?" Shizue asks one night after training. 

The two of them are standing on the roof of his apartment complex, and had been enjoying a quiet drink together as she stares out over the city.

He shrugs.

"No particular reason," he says, looking down at his bottle.

She turns to look at him, fixing him with what he'd dubbed her "signature mom glare."

"Hayato. Tell me. And I'll tell you mine."

He laughs, and it turns into a sigh partway through. He takes a sip of his drink, looking as if he's trying to think of how to respond.

"I guess… I wanted to make the world a better place. I've seen a lot of horrible shit in my day. I didn't really grow up in the nicest place. ...I didn't want to see anyone else go through that. Not if I could help it."

"Neglectful?" Shizue asks sympathetically, and he laughs ruefully.

"When they wanted to be. ...Wish that's all they were. Might've been better." 

Shizue puts her hand on his shoulder. She doesn't say anything, not yet. She might not understand the complexity of what he went through, but she knows it's a lot. She can tell from his behavior. She doesn't need to hear it. She's seen the scars it left on him, the behaviors he never learned to  _ un _ learn. How petrified he gets when asking for help, and how Shizue had quickly learned to word offering help in a way that didn't let him feel like a burden. And if he never wants to talk about it? Then she doesn't need to know.

"Honestly a better reason than mine," she says softly. "I really just went for a job where my schedule wouldn't matter. I've accepted at this point I have no chance at a family."

"...That's...kind of depressing…"

"Like you have  _ any _ right to talk."

* * *

They graduated the academy together, spent time as partners before they turned their attention towards becoming detectives...and Shizue kept moving up through the ranks.

She was a woman with no life outside of work and plenty of ambition. It really wasn't surprising when the call came one day…giving her a new nickname: Boss. 

"So you have your own department now?" Hayato asks skeptically.

" _ Yes _ , and you're going to love it here!" Shizue says.

"You're just saying that because I have no family, aren't you."

"...Maybe. But listen, we're a top secret department and—oh!" she pauses as she notices someone, waving him over to the two of them. "This is Futa Amanoma! He's the scientist who made this entire department  _ possible!" _

There's an awkward silence for a moment as they stare at each other. 

"We've...uh...met, actually," Hayato says, but there's no animosity to his voice. 

She looks with wide eyes at Amanoma, who's looking somewhat nervous at running into Hayato. Then, it clicks. Hayato's ultimate title from when he was at HPA, of  _ course _ . She'd only really heard it from him once, and it was listed in his file. The way he talked about the place (the few times he'd mentioned it, on rare nights after the two of them had been out at a bar for too long), it didn't hold very fond memories.

"I didn't really belong there," Hayato shrugged. "I honestly just...wanted a way out of my...situation, and Futa was uh...I guess part of the solution."

"It's…Uh...you can call him Pewter," Shizue says, a little uncertain, but Pewter nods.

"Your talent for Psyncing is...honestly better than anyone I had ever seen," Pewter says, still looking a bit uncomfortable at the sudden reunion, but warming up now that Hayato talked. "You really did deserve that title, Yagyu-san."

"And that's  _ precisely _ why you should join ABIS!" Shizue says, clapping her hands together.

Hayato snorts.

"You forgot my title, didn't you?" 

"...Shut the fuck up."

* * *

It's been nearly a week of radio silence, and she's getting worried. It wasn't like him to just  _ drop off the map _ . He'd gone silent for a day or two at most, and sure, they'd drifted apart, but he was still her family. So when she finds him, wandering the streets of Golden Yokocho, she freezes.

It's... _ not _ him, really. There's something very, very wrong. He doesn't recognize her. He's injured. He looks like he's been wandering the streets.

"Do you know me?" he'd asked.

And she answered the only way she knew how. 

When he was safely with her, she sent a short text to Pewter.

> _ I found him. _
> 
> _ Really??? _
> 
> _ He's hurt...but… _
> 
> _ He'll recover… Hayato is strong like that. _

But he wasn't Hayato anymore, was he? 

* * *

"You knew him in high school, right?" Shizue asks, taking a sip of her wine. Maybe it's not what she needs right now, but  _ damn _ does she need to unwind. 

One of her best friends is recovering from surgery, and the other one sits by her side in the bar.

"...Sort of," Pewter says. "We...he was…"

"A test subject for Psyncing, I know," she interrupts. "I'm not holding that against you if he isn't."

"It's...a somewhat awkward topic," Pewter mutters. "And yet he volunteered again for…"

"..."

"...ESP." 

"That...doesn't exist. ...Does it?"

"Well," Pewter begins, but Shizue shakes her head.

"Point taken—it exists. You can save me the lecture of how it works for another time," she says. 

"He doesn't...actually know he has it," Pewter admits reluctantly. "The... experiments… I wasn't very specific what they were for."

"And now he has amnesia," Shizue groans.

"...Yes."

"...You know what? Fuck it. He can be an ESPer, a Psyncer, a goddamn baby—I don't care. You guys are still my family."

"..."

"Yes, I mean you," she says, fixing Pewter with a pointed glare. 

"...Of course, Boss."

* * *

She loses them both at once.

They come to her, telling her they're leaving for the Future Foundation. It's an organization fighting for...well, the future in the midst of the despair. It's for Mizuki, Date explains. He wants to make the world a better place for her, and Shizue's heart  _ twinges _ .

That's why he'd become a police officer. And then he lost his memories, and she'd never told him that was the reason he gave her all those years ago. He was the same punk she'd punched in the face. Somewhere...buried beneath amnesia and a new identity.

She can't say no...so she lets him go.

But she draws Pewter to the side for a moment, entrusting him with something important. 

"Please...take care of him. Take care of our boy."

_ She regrets those words so much. _

* * *

Shizue watches the trial in horror, a pit of dread developing in her chest. She knows Date can put two and two together. And that's why he tries so hard to sacrifice himself for Pewter.

_ Pewter has worth _ , she can almost hear him screaming.  _ My Ultimate is nothing if it weren't for him _ .

But that isn't true. They  _ both _ have worth, and she loves them so fucking much.

_ "Please _ ," she whispers.  _ "No, please! He's my family!" _

As the trial continues, the chatroom talks about what he did— _ scorns  _ him for it because  _ they don't understand _ . This is her fault. This is her fault. She's the one who asked him to protect Date. But she should've been the one.  _ It should've been her _ . 

She screams, she throws her phone, pillows, anything soft she can get her hands on because as much as she wants to break  _ something, _ this isn't her house and Mizuki is around. Bonney offers her a vase, and she throws it out the window, hearing it shatter just like Date's heart.

She hates this.  _ She hates this. _

* * *

_ "ABIS is like...a little family. We're always here for each other." _

_ "You think of me and Pewter like we're your family?" _

_ "...Why the fuck do you sound so surprised." _

_ "I guess I just...wouldn't expect such an admission from you." _

_ "I'm going to punch you, Date." _

* * *

Shizue Kuranushi wakes up screaming in an unfamiliar place, haunted by visions of Pewter's death. 

It takes her a moment to realize she's still at Bonney's...with Mizuki, and Tenka, and Sasuke…

And then she starts crying again. She's already lost part of her family...this is why she hated...and didn't believe in "happy families."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that motive was simon says and date sure did have a lot of secrets abt their past revealed haha. fuck. 
> 
> also if ur not from dv or need a refresher—bonney and tenka are ocs (boss sure did sleep w both of them) and sasuke is her chicken


	4. My Fingers That Trace the Night Sky Are Still Helpless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for Date's birthday: Shizue reflects on her celebration of Hayato's birthday; the first he had ever celebrated. Once he lost his memories...she had to start the process all over. Now that he's trapped in a killing game, Shizue realizes it's the first birthday of his they've spent apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title and lyrics are from the song "reminiscing by the window"

For the past four years, Shizue Kuranushi has celebrated Kaname Date's birthday. She celebrated it before that too...the first year she knew him.

* * *

"It's your birthday, right?" Shizue asked, looking at Hayato thoughtfully. 

_ That _ apparently surprised him; he spat out the water he was drinking and gave her a look that reminded her of a deer in headlights. Honestly, he was such a dork sometimes… Had he honestly expected her to  _ not _ remember? It had come up the first time they met and everything. 

"How did you—" he still tried to ask, but Shizue gave him a light punch to the shoulder. 

"First of all, I've known it since I punched you in the face, because you called me old. Second of all, of  _ course  _ I’m going to remember. You’re my friend.”  _ My family _ , she left unsaid. 

Hayato looked at her, unconvinced. And then his expression morphed into something Shizue didn’t recognize right away. It’s somewhere between confusion and regret… He’s...hesitant, she thought. Uncertain what she was planning, or if she was being serious. He’s always fixed her with a shrewd look, trying to figure out her angle. She wasn’t going to make it too difficult for him this time; he would find out soon enough. 

“I want to take you out,” Shizue said with a smile. 

“Like on a date or with a deep web hitman?” he said, and his deadpan tone made Shizue snort. 

“You’ll see,” she said, giving him a wink. She grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her. 

* * *

The place she had decided to “take him out” was actually their favorite bar in Golden Yokocho, for a drink of  _ her  _ favorite wine, and whatever the hell -a---- wanted. Once they’d been served their drinks, she turned to him, raising hers for a toast. 

“Happy birthday, baby,” she said. 

For some reason, Hayato didn’t return it right away, and she lowered her glass, frowning. Was there something wrong? He looked...a little confused. And lost. Again. 

“I’ve...never celebrated my birthday before,” he admitted. 

“Oh.” Shizue didn’t know what to say to that at first, so she paused. Then, she treated him to yet another smile, raising her glass again. “Happy first birthday,  _ dork _ .”

He laughed in response to that, knocking his glass against hers in a toast. 

“Thanks.”

* * *

When Hayato forgot everything about himself, Shizue didn’t know what to expect. He forgot his name. His friends.  _ His birthday _ . The thought hadn’t even crossed her mind until the date was approaching. He’d been going by the name “Kaname Date” for quite some time, but he had yet to ask about his birthday. Honestly, she thinks he never would have thought about it unless she’d said something.

“Oh yeah, your birthday is this weekend,” she mused, flipping through some unrelated paperwork. 

In a strange moment of deja vu, Date froze, giving her the exact same look he’d given her years ago. She felt her heart stutter in her chest. 

_ Ah _ . 

“It...is?” he asked, looking lost. 

She hated the twinge of guilt she got. Why hadn’t she told him sooner? It was on his paperwork, sure, but… Date had probably never thought to check. Shaking off those thoughts, she gave him her familiar smile. 

“Yep! I guess this is kind of like your first birthday, huh?” 

“Yeah…” he said softly. 

Shizue leaned over, giving him a light punch to the shoulder. It felt the same as it had all those years ago… But now Hayato was gone. He didn’t remember their birthday celebrations...going to a bar and getting wasted until they woke up at home with vague memories at best of their activities. They’d drifted apart over the years, but she always made sure to take him out for his birthday. No matter how far he strayed...they always had one night of each other’s company. It hurt, knowing Date would likely never remember what they had done. But Hayato was gone. She had to finish mourning him. He was never coming back.

* * *

_ My heart has stopped. My tears have dried. My fingers that trace the night sky are still helpless. _

* * *

For four years, Shizue and Date had spent his birthday together, just like the good old days. The days he didn’t remember, and never would. But  _ every year _ she would repeat the process. Wishing him happy birthday...another year added. Happy first birthday. Happy second birthday. And so on and so on… She still recalls all the years they’d spent together before. Has photos, probably. 

She hadn’t really expected his “fifth” birthday to be any different. After all, despite him joining the Future Foundation, they were still friends. It was still their tradition. And then the Killing Game had begun. And if she’s entirely honest? She thinks this hurts worse than when he’d lost his memories.

No matter  _ what  _ she did, she couldn’t get him out of the fucking game. She’d watched Pewter  _ die _ , killing five people (on accident) to protect Date. She harbored the guilt for Pewter’s actions. But she couldn’t let Date’s death be on her conscience as well. Not if she could do anything to stop it. This time, on Kaname Date’s fifth birthday, for the first time in  _ literal years _ , they weren’t together. She hates it. 

Shizue sits alone, sipping her glass of alcohol. It’s not even her favorite wine. It’s something Hayato had liked...and she thinks maybe Date had liked it too. It’s a shitty gesture, when she could do something real...like get him out. She’s been trying  _ so fucking hard _ ...and yet…

“Kuranushi, you doing okay?” the bartender asks. 

Shizue lets out a sigh, wiping away the tears. She thought they had stopped when she had accepted Hayato was gone. But now, the thought of losing Date... _ again _ . 

“Sorry,” she sighs. “I’ll be fine eventually. But for now...another drink…”

The bartender hands it to her, giving her a sympathetic look. Before Shizue knocks it back, she hesitates, thinking about all of his birthdays before. At least they’ll have next year…

“I’ll pour one out for you, old friend,” she whispers. 

* * *

_ My heart is crying out. My tears are overflowing. My fingertips defiantly stretch out now but I cannot reach. It’s still suffocating. _


	5. No Medicine for All the Regret in the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Date's murder, Shizue finds a thousand more problems to deal with. She has to tackle the newfound challenge of motherhood, the apparent death of Rohan Kumakura, and the loss of the last member of her family.

Shizue Kuranushi is not a perfect mother. She's never  _ been _ a mother, never planned on being one once middle school passed and she realized she lacked the basic fundamental skills because... well...she'd never seen them before. Despite that, she'd been entrusted to watch over Mizuki for Date. Sure, it was because Aiba had frantically called her once she'd lost contact with Date, telling Shizue that there was something  _ horribly _ wrong. 

She'd picked up a scared 10 year old and an AI-ball doing her best not to panic. And Shizue had no idea what the hell she was doing with  _ either _ of them. At least Aiba could take care of herself somewhat...and Mizuki didn't require constant attention. But that's where the mistake happened. 

Shizue had an unfortunate habit of either leaving her phone places Mizuki would then take it for funsies, or the girl was just  _ really  _ good at stealing it from her pocket. This particular time, she didn't know how it had happened, and it wouldn't really matter in hindsight either. What mattered was that Mizuki had her phone again... access to the chatroom...and watching the killing game.

No, Shizue never claimed to be a good mother. 

A sudden  _ scream _ rings through the air, permeating every corner of the apartment. It startles Shizue out of her thoughts (completely irrelevant things, ABIS paperwork, files on persons of interest), and she looks up to see Mizuki with a horrified expression, Shizue's phone dropping from her hands to the floor. At the same moment, Shizue feels her heart drop in her chest. Something's wrong. Why hadn't she kept a better eye on what Mizuki was doing? Why hadn't she—

Aiba is quick to retrieve the phone, grabbing it off the floor and bringing it over to Shizue. There's a flood of comments in the chatroom, and Shizue can't process them right now. Not yet. She looks between Aiba and Mizuki, needing one of them to explain what's going on. But before the words are out of her mouth, she catches sight of something on one of the cameras. 

It all made sense now. Kaname Date was dead. And of course...Shizue hadn't been able to stop it. And she hadn't been able to prevent the  _ one _ person Date never wanted to watch any part of the killing game from seeing it. If she hadn't already practically abandoned the nickname of Boss, she would have now. She wasn't a boss. She was a failure. 

As tempting as it is to keep looking, to stare at Date's lifeless body in the desperate hopes that  _ maybe _ he's okay,  _ maybe _ he's just injured but not actually dead—she needs to comfort Mizuki. Shizue sets down the phone, pulling Mizuki into her arms as the girl sobs.

"I-It's not true, right? He's not gone, he can't be! He promised me that...that he wouldn't! He said he'd come back!"

Shizue doesn't know what to say. What  _ can _ she say? That promises get broken? That despite everything, she knows Date had wanted to return to her? That even though he's dead, she knows Date loves Mizuki? A thousand thoughts flit through her mind, but none of them are the right thing to say. Instead, she gently holds Mizuki, stroking the girl's hair with one hand. She wishes she knew a song, a lullaby— _ anything _ . But there's nothing. After all, Shizue didn't have experience with that sort of thing.

Amidst Mizuki's sobs, Shizue hears her phone buzz to tell her of a new message. She'll answer it soon, but… Aiba holds up the phone for her to see. A message from Aiba to Shizue that she hadn't wanted to say out loud. 

_ Date shows no vital signs _ . 

Any shred of hope Shizue had left slipped through her fingers. She doesn't say anything...a barely perceptible nod the only sign to Aiba that she had received the message. Instead, Shizue looks down at the sobbing girl in her arms. This was  _ one  _ way to break the news. 

Over the years as a police officer, particularly one in charge of an investigation unit such as ABIS, Shizue became used to telling people of their loved ones' passing. So many faces and names she can't remember because they all blur together. It wasn't really her business. Just questions to confirm identity and professional condolences that didn't have her actual heart behind them. Why would they? Of course Shizue still sympathized with the families of victims, but she couldn't bring herself to become attached. There were just too many and it would eat her alive. 

But trying to tell someone you knew...when the victim was one of  _ your _ loved ones? ...That was just another area Shizue had no experience in. 

Funny how someone so inexperienced was regarded as highly as she was.

Aiba jumps her way to Shizue's shoulder in order to whisper in her ear. It's better than Shizue attempting to read messages while comforting Mizuki, at least. 

"I...lost connection. Once before. When Date went missing," Aiba says, and Shizue nods. 

That had been the most nerve-wracking part of his disappearance a few weeks ago. It wasn't that Date was dead...or rather, they weren't  _ sure _ . It was like he had stopped existing altogether. Neither alive nor dead, Aiba couldn't even access logs of Date's vitals that were usually automatically uploaded for her. Pure radio silence...and every day Shizue had begged gods she didn't believe in for her  brother best friend back. She had gotten him back...that much was certain. But now, she knew where he was. Everything should have been fine. And yet…

"I have access to his logs. Increased heart rate...likely associated with stress. But...his eye ran out of power. I thought that perhaps that's why I lost reception. However…" she trails off for a moment, and if it weren't for the fact Aiba was practically just a hamster eyeball, Shizue thinks Aiba would look...remorseful. "His logs are clear. Vital signs have ceased." 

Shizue closes her eyes. She had accepted from the first moment Aiba said she couldn't talk to Date or access his eye remotely anymore that this killing game was beyond either of their control. She couldn't get any messages to Date or Pewter...all they could do was hope and wait and pray for an opportunity to get a message to her boys. 

_ Don't give up hope. I'll save you both. I love you.  _

Shizue had never believed in gods; she thought of them too much as a lie that only fools believed in—something to keep them going despite the inevitability of death. Maybe she was the fool for praying to them for her boys' safety, instead of working harder to uphold her promises. Maybe she wasn't much better than a god in the end. 

It takes a while for Mizuki to calm down enough for Shizue to feel comfortable leaving her in the care of Aiba. Shizue takes the opportunity to check the chatroom...to think about how she feels. About...all of this.

<BOSS> so he really is dead…

<BOSS> i always thought date was like a hero. heroes are supposed to be invincible. even if the odds are stacked against them, something miraculous happens to save them. that's what i thought would happen to date...but instead…

Instead, Shizue looks at the feed of the investigation. Of Date's unmoving form. No, nothing miraculous came to Date's aid. And nothing mundane, either… She glances down at the message her Ralts, Kaname, had given her. It took Aiba a while to decipher it, but once she had…

_ Something bad is coming. _

...Shizue wishes she'd done something sooner. She wishes she'd been able to decipher the message. She wishes...no. She knows. And she regrets. But there's no medicine for all the regret in the world...

She lingers long enough in the chatroom to watch the trial, as they attempt to discover Date's killer. Her mind really isn't on it, despite wishing it could be. She's already lost in a haze of disbelief, guilt, and the overwhelming responsibility of caring for Mizuki. One of the reasons Shizue had never felt right for motherhood was because she spent too much of her time dedicated to her job. ABIS was her family; they were all she'd ever needed. 

But now...as a result of losing the two people closest to her, Shizue is left picking up the broken pieces of Mizuki's heart. Maybe she was better suited to it than she had initially thought...or maybe she was too used to fixing others while her own pieces laid on the floor...forgotten… stepped on... irreparable… crushed into dust while she busied herself with helping others.

That was something she and Date had in common. 

* * *

Finally, the trial concludes. The guilty party receives their punishment, much like Pewter had once. Shizue didn't let Mizuki watch the trial at all, and she's certainly not letting the girl witness its brutal conclusion. She thinks that there should be some relief of some sort—Date's killer had been found. And...brought to… No. This wasn't justice. It was more senseless violence. Date had died for nothing, and his killer would join him in the afterlife (if such a thing existed). 

Shizue doesn't feel relief, or vindicated. She just feels...empty; an irreplaceable void filling the space left by Pewter and Date  again . Getting to her feet, she assumes she should check on Mizuki (who had cried herself to sleep a short while before the trial started). She's halfway there when her phone rings, alerting her of an incoming call from one of her Psyncers.

"Kuranushi here," she says in greeting. 

_ "Boss, we've received a report—Rohan Kumakura has escaped." _

" _ Of course _ …" Shizue sighs. Because why  _ shouldn't _ things get even worse? "Keep me updated, Mio."

Mio gives her an affirmative before ending the call, and Shizue is left standing in the middle of her apartment, anxiety churning in her stomach. Immediately after losing Date, to think that  _ he _ would reappear. Even her worst nightmares had never dreamt up this scenario.

Shizue finds herself sitting down on the sofa again, sending a message to the chatroom to explain the situation. Maybe it's just for Bonney, Tenka, and Kazuaki's benefit, but…

<BOSS> im waiting for updates. he's a dangerous criminal...it's  _ just _ what i need on top of everything else

Still, her brain becomes static, barely paying attention or comprehending the messages being sent. Right now, it's a waiting game. And she hates it. 

It isn't much longer after that another report comes in.

_ "Rohan Kumakura has been found dead." _

"What? How??" 

It was impossible— _ truly  _ impossible that anyone knew his identity. Knew what he had done and what he was capable of. Of course, plenty of people would want him dead for other reasons, but...her mind couldn't help but wander to the worst possible reasons. 

_ "He...uh...jumped off the roof of an abandoned warehouse in the Kabasaki District." _

That gives Shizue more questions than answers. The Kabasaki District? Why was he there? How has he managed to  _ get _ there? Did he have outside help? And why would  _ he  _ of all people…?

"Suicide?" Shizue asks, and it's less for confirmation and more as if saying it out loud will make her even accept it as a possibility.

_ "It certainly looks that way." _

Shizue thanks Mio for the update, sounding slightly dazed, and hangs up.

Rohan Kumakura is dead. The information should bring her some form of comfort or peace of mind. But...instead, she just feels... _ uneasy _ . There's really no one left to keep an eye on. No one who knows the truth of what happened. Except her. And…

No. He didn't need to know. He could find out through the news reports. Shizue has more important things to do than deal with  _ him _ . She's a mother now...even if she has no experience. But she knows deep down... she'll be a better mother than Shoko Nadami ever was.

And ever will be.


End file.
